Losing Attraction

The desire to express something, to get it down in written format, sometimes conflicts with finding the right words to describe said something. I find myself in that very struggle.

A part of sexual identity is your type of sexual attraction, and for some time I have most associated with Demi-sexual attraction. The circumstances where I would find myself attracted to someone in a sexual way were specific, often down to personality, wit, and a sense of safety. It was a complex combination taking aspects of aesthetic, intellectual, and emotional attraction types in unpredictable quantities.

Now I find a loss of sexual attraction entirely. Is it age, mental, a side effect of reflux medication? I don’t know. It is what it is.

What I find most curious is the lack of emotional loss. I know intellectually that things have changed and that usually is associated with a sense of loss. I just don’t feel that loss. I don’t miss it.

And it is just the sexual attraction that is missing. Not the sexual appreciation, if that makes sense. Things that “turned-me-on” as a part of attraction have faded away. I can still be “turned-on” I think, but it’s not a component of attraction now. It’s not an urge in connection, just something that can be activated. It’s no longer something I actively want, which is not to say I don’t want it. It’s neither. Just something inbetween.

It’s meh.