I feel special

Something big happened tonight, but I didn’t know about it at first. There I was, gearing up for a regular Trivia Night hosting gig at the local pub, which I do every Tuesday. It’s a fun little gig that I try to spice up a little by being a little offensive, and comically rude to […]

The Black Dog of Waiting

There’s been a clear dark cloud above my head of late. Plenty of people have noticed and asked if I’m OK which is good of them. It’s not like the days of yore when I would hide in oblivious awareness of my own circumstance, letting the worry consume me. I am OK, just a […]

Reflection on Familiar Skies

There are times when the familiar cold hand reaches out to me, accompanied by a darkness in the skies of my mind. Like the disruptive friend who just doesn’t seem to get the hint, no matter how blunt you make it, or maybe it is more like the uncomfortable yet obligatory visit of your parents […]

2016 and looking back

The Year That Was What a year was 2015, with some extremes and changing all round. Most if it has blurred somewhat and has left me just a little confused, and somewhat frustrated with my current circumstances. My day job has become essentially hollow as I find myself desiring new experiences. Combine this with the […]

Shaking the Black

Sometimes, like today, the black manages to get a hand on me. Like a weight, I feel sluggish and heavy. I find myself just listening to my breathing. The rise and fall of my chest. A cloud fogs the back of my mind, making it hard to see. I feel temperatures with more sensitivity than […]

The Sins of the Father

Today, I am reminded of one of my previous articles, about my panic attacks. It dawned on me that it has been quite a while since I’ve had one… almost since I posted the article. Yet I am confronted by another troubling issue. My dear daughter, who appears to be suffering from her own version […]

The Hard Road Part 9 – Making a Stand

This brings the story to almost now, and there are things happening in my life now that once upon a time, I may have been unable to manage, and may very well have found myself contemplating the unthinkable yet again. Yet I am not. I feel I have “matured,” and in the true sense of […]

The Hard Road Part 8 – Perspectives

I was changing my view of the world. What I began to realise, and not just superficially, but innately, was just how much our world view is dependent on our individual perspectives. We aren’t just all different, we see the world differently. Yet the evidence is all around us. I began to appreciate how much […]

The Hard Road Part 7 – Journeys End

So began a process of self-discovery, and the culmination of life experiences into a concrete philosophy. I drew on everything I read which seemed to fill the gaps with what I knew. I sort information and advice where-ever I could find it. I relived interesting events in my life, which I have not recounted so […]

The Hard Road Part 6 – Someone Saved my Life

I left off at a very dark place with my last post on this, and it got darker. My emotions slowly grew in strength and I struggled to maintain my rational self. I began fantasising ways I could end my life, and yet leave wife and daughter able to carry on financially. I thought that […]