The Hard Road Part 6 – Someone Saved my Life

I left off at a very dark place with my last post on this, and it got darker. My emotions slowly grew in strength and I struggled to maintain my rational self. I began fantasising ways I could end my life, and yet leave wife and daughter able to carry on financially. I thought that […]

The Hard Road Part 5 – Picking up the pieces

So with the events of my trip to the UK behind me, and my still aching ego nagging at me, I nursed my wounds for a short while. Then I ended up back at uni, this time as an employee. I got straight back into my theatre work, and resigned myself to the life of […]

The Hard Road Part 4 – Strange Games

Upon my return home, somewhat relieved, but bitterly disappointed in myself, some interesting stories unravelled over the course of a few weeks. First I need to explain one thing before getting to the meat. While I was in the UK, my cat had passed away. He was a gorgeous Russian Blue, and incredibly intelligent. When […]

The Hard Road Part 3 – Side Track

I had been staying with my grandmother in Mousehole, just outside of Penzance. A small fishing village, but the Penzance city centre was a short walk away, and I went there often. Life was good. I was seeing a lot of the Cornish landscape, and getting familiar with the lifestyle. I was invited to stay […]

The Hard Road Part 2 – Big Plans

After switching my degree from a pure Computing Science degree, to allow me more freedom with selecting electives, I did a year of Theatre Arts. That year, something shook loose inside. I discovered a different side to myself, a side I rather liked. It was playful, confident, unashamed, and funny. The inner clown was released. […]

The Hard Road Part 1 – Acceptance

Well, here we go again. It wasn’t long ago that I was inspired to write about my youth and struggles with depression. Now I find I am again surrounded by reasons to continue. In the first part of my journey, I really didn’t know what was going on, and certainly didn’t accept that I was […]

So many things

This weekend has been a rather interesting weekend. First I bump into a friend who tells me they struggle with their Vlog. Please check it out. Something I am very familiar with with regards my blog, having struggled for a long while to find anything interesting in myself to blog about, I can understand the […]

Depression Sensitive

I think I have realised something today. An interesting side effect of being someone recovering from depression. It makes you overly sensitive to someone else’s. I know I’ve done it more than once. That is, jump in with unsolicited advice when I get the whiff of a sad emotion, particularly when it rare to see […]

Support of the Family

It is an interesting beast family. They come in all shapes and sizes. For many, it is the seat of support, comfort and encouragement. For others, it is something to fear, avoid, or deny the existence of. Mine edges towards the latter, sadly. As I have been opening up more and more about the past, […]

Forgetful Panic

One thing that has plagued me for years is strange little periods of a panic like fear. They can last minutes or for hours. At worst, they have lingered for a few days. It’s like a sense that you have forgotten something really important, and something bad will happen if you don’t figure it out […]