Sanity Check

I am not sure how to begin. This week has been… Traumatic? No, that’s too dramatic. Eye opening! That sounds misleading. Extreme. Probably about the closest I guess. Extreme excitement. Extreme fear. Extreme determination. Extreme self-undermining.

I knew things were going to be hard, or at least harder, as I change direction in my career. Not a simple change of direction, but a full 90 degree sharp turn with full twist and double pike!

My mind is all over the place, overwhelmed, daunted, and in conflict with itself, which is rather frustrating let me tell you. I have been somewhat more emotional than my usual self, and considering that some people consider me to already be quite emotional, that must mean…

Despite all the signs that I have had, something inside keeps trying to hold me back. The same thing that has been holding me back for years.

So I want to list some of the reasons I am doing this big thing, and some of the signs that are screaming at me that it is the right choice.

1. Acting and Performance is something that has always been a part of me. My parents have recordings of me as a toddler performing. I had no grasp of words, but I certainly had an understanding of comedy.
2. Even after continual contrary advice, and even a few bad experiences, acting has always found me. Rarely have I had to actually go looking for it. Opportunities have always been there, offering me candy, or some other treat.
3. It has always been easy for me. That’s not to say that I started off brilliant. I wasn’t, but learning, developing, trying new things, has always felt so natural and right somehow.
4. Shakespeare never confused me… for long. Neither did other, much earlier forms of theatre. I just got it.
5. I auditioned for my agent, and she agreed to sign me up on the spot. I was not expecting that, and neither were a few other people who helped me get the audition in the first place.
6. I am currently waiting for a Feature to be released, which, I have been secretly informed, has some big news this month (no, not a release). I am in a short film being filmed currently. I an AD on another short film. I am consulting on a script. All this happening within weeks of each other! Sudden wave of stuff.
7. I am not alone. There appears to be a wealth of people all making big life changing decisions around me. The time is right for change.
8. Most importantly are the people who have lined up behind me, congratulated my “bravery”, and believe in me.

The optimist in me points and says “SEE?!? It’s meant to be!”

The pessimist in me says “That’s a lot of pressure.”

I recognise him now. He’s my own personal Troll. Well, back under the bridge with you, where you belong. You know, you’ll turn to stone in the sun.

Much better.